The Monster Blog

Juggling Motherhood and the Full-Time Job of Finding Work

The recent holiday weekend was a good milestone to assess how far I've come in my job search as well as bringing me to a turning, semi-crisis point. My young sons’ caregiver is returning to university in her country now that her year as an au pair is done here. Having paid all of her fees last year while I was still employed, it made sense to keep her engaged for her manageable weekly pay until the end of the summer. So I've had to make a number of choices and arrangements to manage child care and my full-fledged job search going forward. Nonetheless, I am rather stressed and conflicted despite the logic I applied to the choices.

 

I've decided to take a bit of a hiatus in my job search for just 2 weeks until my mother, bless her, is able to pitch in with child care for 4 weeks. So for the next 10 business days, my job search work will be conducted only during the hours the boys sleep, as I'll be their daytime caregiver. Within those 10 days, I have one all-day teaching gig, so I planned ahead and have spliced together 2 friends for kiddie coverage.

 

A few other retired teacher friends are willing to pitch in some hours here and there should I get an interview scheduled, which is likely given several screenings from before the long weekend. Even for a scheduled phone interview, I'll need peace and quiet and someone to watch the boys. I've put some friends on notice and hope to be able to give them ample time, but I don't want to wait to schedule an interview. I need to be viewed as an employee who is not burdened with single-parent concerns as it may unwittingly put a slight prejudice against my candidacy for a position, so I need keep my child-care concerns out of a potential employer’s view. I want to be the best possible candidate without the small "but" coming up during key stakeholder conversations for a job offer.

 

While I have the essential job search obligations covered while I’m caring for Owen and Evan, I am distressed at the number of networking events I will need to pass on. For example, my local project management chapter is having its kick-off for the year this week, and it is a fabulously well-attended networking event with up to 200 folks and a great deal of interest from local employers. I'm also missing out on the Marketing & Martini Mixer featuring Speed Networking from the greater metro area marketing group. That is a really cool one, but it has an undefined ROI for me as well as a two-hour plus drive. On a much smaller scale, I’ll be missing out on two local job-hunting groups that offer seminars and tips. It seems everyone kicks off events, right after Labor Day, but I don't feel I can cash in all my friends' good will by also using them for these "nice-to-do" job events.

 

For 3 out of 4 of these events, I will be able to sound out a few of my fellow job seeker friends and get their reports back. But it is just not the same as being there in person. Fortunately, it is only a two-week gap in my job search, and the night hours are great for online networking and follow-ups. Then with my mother's help full-time, I'll be able to arrange my job searching days as I had with my au pair. To give my mother and myself a small break, I've managed to find a nice young college student with licensed day care center experience. She'll be able to take care of the boys for 10 hours a week at a very reasonable fee but already has another job.

 

So far, my planning seems like a crazy patchwork quilt, but it is all with people my sons know and trust. Additionally, my mother and friends all understand and fully support my main educational points for my sons in addition to any structured preschool coming down the pike. So it is reassuring to have consistency in that regard as well.

 

When my mother leaves in 6 weeks, I'll have planned my next steps for kiddie coverage. As they say, one day at a time. And who knows? I might land a decent position with on-site day care that won't bankrupt me or my sons’ college educations.

 

Do you have any personal dilemmas such as child, elder or other care that impacts your job search? How do you address those challenges?

 

For more tips on balancing work and family obligations, check out these articles:

 

* "Tips for Working Mothers"

* "Manage Work and a Family Crisis"

* "How to Get a Flexible Schedule"

* "The Sandwich Generation Balances Children and Elderly Parents"

 

Hillary Clinton’s Lessons for Working Women

“Iron my shirt.”

Yes, a man actually said that to Hillary Clinton at a campaign stop. It’s huge that she made it as far in the 2008 presidential campaign as she did, but as that barb and this MSNBC article point out (which contains photographic proof of the ironing remark), her historic campaign revealed that, as far as working women have come in the workplace, a lot more work needs to be done.

Says the article:

(Mary) Gatta (director of work force policy and research at Rutgers University’s Center for Women and Work) thinks one very positive thing to come from Clinton’s campaign is that working women saw that the kind of things they experience in the workplace -- whether it is overtly sexist jokes or more subtle barbs -- are also experienced even by a woman at the highest career levels.

“I think women related to Hillary on that, that in their own lives they’ve experienced different degrees of sexism,” she said.

As a working woman, I know I face different issues in the workplace than my husband, brother or father do. And while overt name-calling is usually not part of the workplace, sexism can be more covert. The article goes on to say:

Gatta thinks Clinton’s campaign highlighted the more subtle ways in which women are undermined in the workplace. For example, Clinton was often referred to by her first, rather than her last, name -- the same thing that often happened to Carly Fiorina during her tumultuous tenure as head of Hewlett-Packard. Gatta, who has the same experience herself sometimes, thinks that can be a way of taking a woman less seriously.

And then there are the stone-cold facts. Women still earn less than men. The MSNBC article refers to a report by women’s advocacy group the InterOrganization Network that shows 14.8 percent of board seats in Fortune 500 companies are held by women, while 11.8 percent of Fortune 500 companies have all-male boards. And then there’s the gender stereotyping -- that a woman needs to act (and dress) like a man to get ahead. Remember the bugaboo over Clinton’s cleavage? Do you think McCain or Obama wearing a certain suit or tie would have made such headlines?

Clinton’s strength as a working woman was shown in the graciousness of her defeat. She fought hard, but when winning became impossible, she joined with her former rival Obama in the name of party unity -- symbolically, in the town of Unity, New Hampshire. Such grace and class are a credit to her gender. If women could unite and fight for complete equality in the workplace, imagine what we could accomplish?

For more on what you can learn about your own job search from the 2008 presidential campaign, check out this article. And here are more resources about working women:

• From the Monster Blog: “Why Not More Women Leaders?”
• From the Monster Blog: “Equality for Women in the Workplace?”
• “Unique Networks for Women”
• “How Women Best Handle Put-Downs”

How Becoming a Working Mom Has Changed Me

After years of reading about issues facing working mothers, at the beginning of April I became one myself. It’s not an easy job, working and raising a family. So with Mother’s Day this month, I starting thinking about how being a working mother has transformed the way I live and work.

Becoming a mom, and especially a working one, has made me a morning person, like it or not. I no longer just roll out of bed and go to work. I need to get another little person up, changed and out the door.

The work that goes along with motherhood, coupled with the demands of my job, can really tire me out -- now I understand Thad’s post about his exhaustion from a few years ago. It’s been important (and not easy) for me to put my pride aside and ask for help when I need it, whether it be from my husband, my mother-in-law or my own mom.

As every parent knows, raising a child is not a 9-to-5 job. When my son is up in the night, the next day at work can be difficult. I’ve learned to live on fractured sleep, naps when I can take them and caffeine.

Having a child has also changed the way I work. Knowing my workday could be pierced by a call saying my son is sick and needs to be picked up (it hasn’t happened yet, but it’s only a matter of time), I’ve learned to triage the tasks I can only do in the office first. It’s also made me more efficient time-wise -- not only do I work a compressed schedule, but I have a hard stop at the end of every day, since my son needs to be picked up.

Finally, and most importantly, I think becoming a mom, and particularly a working one, has put my career in balance and perspective for me. My job is still important, sure, but so is being there for my son. He’s one of the main reasons I work, after all.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms -- we all work, whether we have a job outside the home or not. And feel free to tell us about your experience of being a working mom in the comments below.

Top 5 Things to Do When Returning from Maternity Leave

This is my first week back in the office after three months off caring for my son, who was born at the beginning of January. It’s been a strange and stressful week -- everything is somewhat the same, but a lot has changed while I was on maternity leave. And yet, as painful as it was to put my son in day care (I’m working a compressed three-day schedule), being back at work is almost comforting in its familiarity. After all, I’ve been a mom for three months; I’ve done my job for three-plus years.

According to this Career Journal article about getting back to work after maternity leave, the first 90 days should be a time of easing back into your job and reestablishing connections. In that vein, here are five things I’ve done for myself that I think have softened my return. They might help you if you’re in the same situation:

• Schedule Meetings with Everyone: It’s fun to catch up about the baby, but it’s also good to find out what everyone’s working on, where projects stand and how you’ll fit into the new equation.


• Establish Some Duties Right Away: You’ll want to ease back in, sure, but it’s good to have something to work on to get those feet wet.


• Read: This includes corporate communications, new departmental documentation and news about the company. This will help you get caught up on the way things are now, not how they were three months ago.


• Touch Base with Your Child: The transition back isn’t just difficult for moms -- it’s hard for a baby who doesn’t understand why someone new is caring for him. I’m fortunate to have a day care center right in the building, but even if I didn’t have the option of going down for a visit, I’d call so he could hear my voice.


• Go Easy on Yourself: Just like when you became a mom, you’re going through a big transition. Try to schedule some downtime every day.

For more on this subject, check out these Monster resources:

• “Returning After a Leave”
  


• “Pregnancy and Your Job”
  


• From the Monster Blog: “What I Learned During Maternity Leave”

With Maternity Leave, the Waiting Is the Hardest Part

I’m 38 weeks pregnant this week, and I’ve been preparing for maternity leave most of this year. Here are just a few things I’ve done:

• Filed my forms with HR.
  

• Documented my responsibilities and made a handoff plan for when I’m gone, introducing my temporary replacements to the people they’ll need to work with in my absence.
  

• Forwarded so many emails out of my box that it’s groaning under the weight of all this data transfer, cleaned my desk and had my work shower.

Now it’s time for the baby to come -- the one thing I can’t control. But I think I’m prepared, and I hope my coworkers feel the same way.

So I have a question for you moms out there: How did you handle those last few weeks at work, where leave was staring you in the face but you had no idea when it was coming? Tips? Ideas?

While I wait, I’ll be checking out these Monster resources. I invite you to do the same:

• “Prepare Early for Maternity Leave”
  

• From the Monster Blog: “Five Things My Friend -- and Other Expecting Mothers -- Should Do This Week”

Attention Working Moms: Reach Out for Support

I won’t be entering the realm of motherhood for another month or so, but I can already see that being a mother is hard work, as is maintaining a career while raising a family. A mom can get burned out really quickly doing both.

I was thrilled when we put together these articles about how working moms can band together to support one another. Check it out for info on finding a mentor at work, negotiating a flexible schedule, getting your employer to accommodate your needs as a working mother and more.

So remember, working moms, especially at this hectic time of year: You don’t have to do it all on your own -- there’s help available. Check out these articles to get started.

Female Absenteeism: It’s Not Always Why You Think

Statistically speaking, women are absent from work more often than men. The knee-jerk reaction: They’re caring for the kids. Indeed, according to this article, married and unmarried women with children report more absences than their childless counterparts. (Interestingly enough, married men with children report fewer absences than those without children.)

But hold on: There’s more going on here than just family getting in the way of work. The article goes on to say: “[Eric] Patton and his coauthor Gary Johns found that elevated absentee rates for women could not be fully explained by health, family or job issues. Instead the researcher postulated that social expectations have created an ‘absence culture’ for women that may be a factor.”

Absence culture? Not according to this mom, interviewed for the story: “Lauren, a Cleveland mother of two teenage daughters, finds she can never call in sick because she’s worried about how it will be perceived at the equipment company she works for. ‘Even when my daughters are sick, even when I'm sick, even when I have a myriad of pressing problems, even when I have the cable guy coming to the house or the chimney sweeper or the plumber, even when my mother is sick and needs me, even when my father-in-law is in the hospital, I don't call in sick,’ she says.”

My personal theory on why women are absent more often: They are more likely to do the right thing and stay in bed when they don’t feel well. While there will always be those who abuse the system -- male or female -- I think staying home when you’re sick is something to be encouraged.

And as for women who need to take time off to take care of the kids? As long as the work is getting done, employers should be more sympathetic. It makes for better work/life balance and as a result, happier, more productive employees. And when they can, dads need to step up to the plate to share the load.

For more on this subject, check out these Monster resources:

• “How Employers Can Accommodate New Mothers at Work”
  
• From the Monster Blog: “Work/Life Balance Is Everyone's Issue”

Is Crying at Work for Men Only?

Last week, the Yankees were eliminated from the first round of the postseason for the third year in a row. As a result, speculation that the loss means the end of the line for longtime team manager Joe Torre was started by Yanks owner George Steinbrenner.

While I’m a steadfast member of Red Sox Nation by birth, I think that’s sad, considering Torre is not only a class act but one of the best managers in baseball. Even Red Sox manager Terry Francona has stepped up to the plate to voice his support for Torre. But one person who took Torre’s potential exit particularly hard -- on a public stage -- was Yankees announcer Suzyn Waldman. In the postgame show after the loss, Waldman broke down in tears on the air. As you might expect, Waldman’s professionalism and objectivity were called into question, and the backlash was profound.

Here are just a few big-name athletes and coaches who have teared up for all to see: Brett Favre, Dick Vermeil, Keyshawn Johnson, Roger Federer and Tiger Woods. What do these people have in common? That’s right; they’re all men. As this Sports Illustrated article points out, “What's odd is that we admire tears in men but not in women. Men who cry are ‘sensitive.’ Women who cry are ‘weak.’”

And this concept seems to stretch across sports and even politics -- for example, the SI article includes the following quote:

“When former Congresswoman Pat Schroeder cried during her 1987 exploratory run for president, critics said she set back women's chances for the White House by 20 years. After that she collected pictures of men crying. She finally stopped, she says, ‘in the hundreds,’ but not before her gallery included pictures of red-eyed Pete Sampras, Wayne Gretzky and Dan Reeves, to say nothing of Ronald Reagan, John Sununu and Gary Hart. ‘For men, crying has become this mandatory rite of passage,’ Schroeder says, ‘but for women, it's still not OK.’”

I hate this double standard. I’m an emotional person, and if I need to cry at work, I do. While my husband, whose chronic illness provoked a lot of tears a few years back, is doing much better, there’s unfortunately always something to cry about. But if you’re a woman, keeping in mind the realities of the workplace, there are smart ways to go about it:

• If a good cry is inevitable, try to go into the bathroom or otherwise get away from your desk. Sometimes a change of scenery can stop the waterworks. And even if it doesn’t, the move will give you some privacy.
• Take deep breaths. This will help keep you calm.
• If you get caught crying, don’t apologize. Pull yourself together, if possible, and go on with your day.

For more on this subject, check out these Monster articles:

• “Crying at Work”
• “How Women Best Handle Put-Downs”

My Top 10 Wishes for Working Parents

Sunday is Working Parents Day, and it’s got me thinking: What would be my top ten wishes for working parent support? Below is my list, in no particular order of priority. Feel free to add to it as you deem fit.

·        An End to the “Should She or Shouldn’t She?” Working Mother Debate: Moms seek employment for the same reasons everyone else does. We need to stop wasting our energy on whether they “should” work and start focusing on how we can support men and women who have dependent care.

·        Supportive Bosses: Research suggests that a supportive boss can make or break your job. In my own research of some 200-plus women for my book, The Mom Economy, a supportive boss was the only common denominator among every woman who said she had very or extremely family-friendly work.

·        Paid Maternity/Paternity Leave: After adopting or giving birth to a child, every parent should be able to take leave. If that leave is not paid, some cannot. Men should get paid paternity leave too.

·        Greater Use of Alternative Work Arrangements Without Penalty: As Sylvia Ann Hewlett points out in her book Off-Ramps and On-Ramps, we need to rethink paths of advancement. Careers tend to take off during the child-rearing years, when women tend to scale back. Retirement is occurring later, job tenures are shorter, and alternative work arrangements like telecommuting and flexible schedules are becoming more common. We need to be able to pursue these options and still advance.

·        A New School Calendar: Three-month summers and short school days worked fine when Mom stayed home. Now, for working parents, summer vacations and after-school care is a scramble at best. Once more, the length of the summer holiday means children often regress. Everyone -- children and adults alike -- would benefit from a new school calendar year. Teachers would have to be paid more, but that too is long overdue.

·        A Supportive Spouse: It’s much easier to be a working parent when the other parent is involved, both emotionally and physically. This involvement includes sharing household chores and childcare responsibilities.

·        A Support Network: I have a great neighbor. When I’m stuck, she helps me out. When she’s stuck, I try to do the same. I wish that for everyone.

·        On-Site Childcare or Childcare Assistance That Includes School-Age Care: On-site school-age care? Now, that’s a novel concept. I don’t know how to do it, but can’t it be done? And while employers are providing some form of childcare assistance, can they please make a place for breast-feeding moms?

·        College Savings Plans: With the cost of college rising, saving for our kids’ college is not only important, but growing more difficult. Note to employers: Openly offer plans, promote them and make them as available as a retirement plan -- complete with a company match.

·        Universal Healthcare Coverage: No one should go without healthcare, especially kids.

For related information, check out these additional Monster resources:

·        “Tips for Working Mothers”

From the Monster Blog:

·        “Working Mothers: Stop Feeling Guilty”

·        “‘Hurray for Snow Days?’ Asks This Working Mom”

·        “A Good Guide for Working Fathers: Daddy Blogs”

Feeling the Elder Care Squeeze on Grandparents Day?

Sunday is Grandparents Day. I don’t know about you, but I think a lot about my parents (my children’s grandparents) these days, and not all of it is positive. I’m a member of what is now being called the Sandwich Generation, middle-aged workers squeezed by the needs of their children and their parents. Select employers are going some way in mitigating that pressure through flexible schedules for employees and flexible spending accounts for their dependent adults. Still, I look ahead and see the pressure, if anything, increasing as my parents’ health deteriorates and their needs increase.

The odd thing is that I never anticipated this, at least not so soon. Middle age, I thought, would be all about meeting my children’s needs. I know I’m not alone. Colleagues and friends my age are also facing unexpected elder care issues, and those who don’t would be wise to reassess.

What isn’t clear to me, however, is what we or our employers could be doing differently to address these burgeoning demands. The reality, I fear, is that it’s too late now to mitigate our elder parents’ demands. All I can do is save, plan and hope that my own children don’t face these same demands.

Check out these related Monster resources:

• “Elder Care Accountants Manage Baby Boomers’ Finances”
  


• “Understand Today’s Benefits”

For more information, check out our Work/Life Balance section.