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September 23, 2008

When Parents Work a Double Shift

Yesterday, my son was playing happily on the living room floor when he got sick. We thought it was a passing thing, but as it turns out, it was the beginning of the stomach flu. Since he could eat only tiny amounts at once, my husband and I (mostly my husband) spent most of last night up with him. I did get a few hours’ sleep, but not consecutively. And consequently, I am exhausted and fried today.


Unfortunately, this isn’t the end of the sickness -- with winter coming, it’s only the beginning. The colder months always bring assorted bugs aplenty. Seeing your child ill is not only physically draining, but also emotionally exhausting. And trying to balance family demands with those of your job can be really difficult.


So parents, a new mom wants to know: How do you handle those (blessedly few) nights when you just don’t get any sleep and have to work the next day? Leave your comments below. And for more advice, check out these resources:

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Posted by Christine on September 23, 2008 at 11:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

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Comments

Heh... get used to a lot less sleep.

Having lived through 2 children with chronic illness, you learn to adapt and accept several, often consecutive nights of 4 or less hours of sleep.

Get used to working harder than you have to keep current. In spite of many colleagues wishing you well you must keep driving, lest you find yourself in a competitive environment with others who will want to advance at your expense.

You will miss many social aspects you used to enjoy, but that's a small cost in comparison of being a parent (i.e. Mother's/Father's Day beat any missed social event by a mile!)

You can do it.

Posted by: Charlie on PA Tpk | Sep 23, 2008 3:06:48 PM

Welcome to the overworked, underslept world - since one of my sons is in college this year and the other applying as we speak, I can say now that I wish I had them home longer. The 18 years literally flew by and if I had to do it over, I would figure out a way to work less and enjoy making a home life for my sons and the outside work weary more. Maybe you both have to work right now, but you might want to make a plan to have one of you stay home if at all possible while they're young. It will be easier on the whole family. When they're older, they're sick much less and will require you less.

Posted by: Shelly | Oct 1, 2008 1:38:13 AM

I'm a big fan of hand washing! Not sanitizer - good old fashion soap and hot water. When my kids were younger, I spent a good deal of time on prevention and just trying to keep the first "bug" from making the rounds of the entire family. The other part of that is keeping yourself healthy so that you aren't the last one in the family ill just because you are so run down from ill kids, work and the rest of life. Drink lots of water! Also, keep your "out-loud" worrying about kids and illness to a minimum and to people you really trust. You don't want to get labeled as the office "so & so is always sick" especially if it isn't true.

Posted by: Carrie | Oct 7, 2008 3:37:37 PM

The best thing to do is sleep when you can. Because you might not get another good night for a few weeks. Just get to know what it takes to function effectively at half sleep.
For me, (I have a desk job) I try to get some exercise in the morning. I drink lots of caffeine and keep snacks (like fruit) handy. If I feel like I am going to nod off at any minute, I take 5 and walk around the building. Get my blood moving again so I can stay awake a little longer.
But you have to know what your limit is. Sometimes you just have to call in sick too. Sometimes my husband and I trade off. One night he will get up in the middle of the night and the next I will. Either way you have to redefine "normal" as far as sleep is concerned. Normal is now 6 hours with at least one interruption. Once you get into the swing, your body will adapt. No, it isn't optimal, but maybe it is optimal for the present situation.

Posted by: Bri | Oct 7, 2008 6:29:02 PM

Im a 24 year old single mother. My daughter is now turning 8 in November and I had to take the 3rd shift just to be able to make her breakfast, get her to school, pick her up, help her with her homewk, cook dinner, then have her in bed by 8:30pm. Its hard & your body never really gets use to it (no sleep), but no dose & alot of red bull seemed to work at the begining =) rince your face off with cold water whenever you get a chance & take shifts with your husband if you get the help. Good luck!

Posted by: Melissa | Oct 7, 2008 9:11:58 PM

Well, I would have to agree with Shelly. The time does fly by all too soon. I have 3 kids 14,13 and 7. I was able to work at home while all my kids were young. I returned part time to the work force when my youngest was almost 4. Yes we gave up alot - no new cars, less eating out and vacations. If there is a way to telecommute or work from home for one of you, it really does help. Good luck and just take naps whenever you can!

Posted by: Karen | Oct 8, 2008 6:38:47 AM

We have a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Not only have we handled quite a few illnesses over the past 6 years, our 6 year old has autism. To this day, he never sleeps through the night, although it's a little better now than it used to be. For several years, he'd wake up nearly every night somewhere around 1AM and then laugh, bounce in bed and talk to himself for anywhere from a few hours to doing this all the way through sunrise (a common autistic behavior).

So we have been through this hundreds of nights.

My best advice is: stay current (and when possible, work ahead at your office). Don't procrastinate on projects. You never know when you will miss a day, be in late or just be too tired to accomplish much. I became much better at managing my time because I knew my time in the office was precious. I often sneak in some work at night or on weekends.

We did a lot of sleeping in shifts: I'd get home from work and my wife would nap for a few hours while I watched the kids. I'd then get back to office work after I got the kids to bed. Since my wife would inevitably be up with the autistic son around 1AM, the idea was for her to get as much sleep as she could at other times.

We also used the weekends as my wife, to this day, does a lot of napping during the weekend daylight hours (I'll take the kids out to get them out of the house) so she can be fresh for the next night's kid sleep problems. I hear a lot of parents of very young children end up with a similar "sleeping in shifts" arangements.

I never expected any employer to be totally understanding but some will be better than others. I changed jobs earlier this year partly because the previous company was big on "face time" and not particularly understanding if I had to come in late once in awhile. That boss was single, so I think working with people who have kids helps as we've all been through this at one time or another! If your employer seems inflexible, you might have to make a career move yourself.

One piece of advice would be that if you are so dead tired you may not be able to function properly, it may be better to call in sick. We all become more error-prone when we have no sleep. Getting killed in a car accident driving to work does no one any good! Obviously, some mistakes in your job could be very costly for your career- so sometimes it's better to just call in and get caught up on your sleep for a day.

Luckily, it does get better because kids get sick less as they get older.

Oh, and lots of coffee! Seriously... Good luck.

Posted by: John | Oct 8, 2008 2:54:42 PM

There are some pretty amazing and touching stories here, thanks to all for sharing! My only child is now 3 years old. Had I known that I was never going to sleep again...I would have still done it. To me, motherhood is bittersweet--I love him and being his mother but still miss just taking off for the weekend with my husband. And you can do everything you used to do, you just do it differently now. It took me a while to learn and appreciate. This is truly the toughest (unpaid) job you'll ever love. As for sleep, get it when you can, when they nap, you nap.

Posted by: Ros | Oct 26, 2008 8:55:10 PM

I feel the working the double shift i have three little ones my youngest 11 months with alot of issues and i think all i do is work and go to the hospital. It is very hard and im so tired all the time all i want to do is sleep. Half the time i dont know how i am awake like this morning going to bed at 3 am after getting off work late and then having to be up at 6:30am to get my oldest on the bus. It is hard being a working parent

Posted by: kayla | Nov 14, 2008 9:46:06 AM

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