Is Crying at Work for Men Only?

Last week, the Yankees were eliminated from the first round of the postseason for the third year in a row. As a result, speculation that the loss means the end of the line for longtime team manager Joe Torre was started by Yanks owner George Steinbrenner.

While I’m a steadfast member of Red Sox Nation by birth, I think that’s sad, considering Torre is not only a class act but one of the best managers in baseball. Even Red Sox manager Terry Francona has stepped up to the plate to voice his support for Torre. But one person who took Torre’s potential exit particularly hard -- on a public stage -- was Yankees announcer Suzyn Waldman. In the postgame show after the loss, Waldman broke down in tears on the air. As you might expect, Waldman’s professionalism and objectivity were called into question, and the backlash was profound.

Here are just a few big-name athletes and coaches who have teared up for all to see: Brett Favre, Dick Vermeil, Keyshawn Johnson, Roger Federer and Tiger Woods. What do these people have in common? That’s right; they’re all men. As this Sports Illustrated article points out, “What's odd is that we admire tears in men but not in women. Men who cry are ‘sensitive.’ Women who cry are ‘weak.’”

And this concept seems to stretch across sports and even politics -- for example, the SI article includes the following quote:

“When former Congresswoman Pat Schroeder cried during her 1987 exploratory run for president, critics said she set back women's chances for the White House by 20 years. After that she collected pictures of men crying. She finally stopped, she says, ‘in the hundreds,’ but not before her gallery included pictures of red-eyed Pete Sampras, Wayne Gretzky and Dan Reeves, to say nothing of Ronald Reagan, John Sununu and Gary Hart. ‘For men, crying has become this mandatory rite of passage,’ Schroeder says, ‘but for women, it's still not OK.’”

I hate this double standard. I’m an emotional person, and if I need to cry at work, I do. While my husband, whose chronic illness provoked a lot of tears a few years back, is doing much better, there’s unfortunately always something to cry about. But if you’re a woman, keeping in mind the realities of the workplace, there are smart ways to go about it:

• If a good cry is inevitable, try to go into the bathroom or otherwise get away from your desk. Sometimes a change of scenery can stop the waterworks. And even if it doesn’t, the move will give you some privacy.
• Take deep breaths. This will help keep you calm.
• If you get caught crying, don’t apologize. Pull yourself together, if possible, and go on with your day.

For more on this subject, check out these Monster articles:

• “Crying at Work”
• “How Women Best Handle Put-Downs”

Share this post: Digg, StumbleUpon, del.icio.us, Facebook, Twitter, etc.