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July 26, 2006
What About Toxic Coworkers?
Earlier this year, we ran a highly successful message board and contest about toxic bosses, hitting a collective nerve and exposing working for a jerk for the phenomenon it is. But while bad bosses run rampant, I’ve found bad coworkers can make you just as miserable.
You know what I’m talking about: That person who sucks the life out of the air upon walking into the office. The coworker who seems to be out to get you for reasons you can’t figure out. He (or she) is negative, whiny, pessimistic or just plain difficult to work with, and all you want to do is stay away. But you have to work together.
In my experience, the following five steps can help you manage a toxic coworker relationship:
- Try not to take it personally. Your toxic coworker may be mad at the world, and you’re a convenient target. Or he may not like you for reasons that have nothing to do with you -- you took a job he wanted, for example.
- If you can stay away from this person, do it.
- Keep your conversation with your toxic coworker strictly business, or only discuss neutral topics like that old chestnut, the weather. He may be looking for ammo to sabotage you.
- Ask a trusted coworker what he thinks of your toxic coworker. This will give you a reality check.
- If the situation is getting out of control despite your efforts to contain it, don’t be afraid to involve management.
How do you handle toxic coworkers?
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Posted by Christine on July 26, 2006 at 09:36 AM in The Daily Grind | Permalink | Comments (42) | TrackBack (3)
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» Your bad mood at the office is from you, not the job from Brazen Careerist
The mood you come to work with sets the mood for your workday. This is the conclusion of a study by Wharton professor Nancy Rothbard. (Shout out to Wendy for sending this link to me.) This study is a rallying... [Read More]
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Comments
There are times when it becomes virtually impossible to avoid "toxic" co-workers. Especially when they actually sabotage your work. I have always been the type of person to stand up and fight, but it is good to remember to always cover your a**. It is always good to document any illegal activity on the part of a co-worker.
Posted by: Brian Miller | Jul 26, 2006 12:50:12 PM
Been there, Done that: Respectfully bring it to management. Next thing you know, the offender is your Supervisor, bragging about her raise, standing between you & anyone you try to talk to with a smug look on her face. Nice.
Posted by: J Net | Jul 27, 2006 12:51:15 AM
I agree with Brian -- regardless of one's own maturity there are times when documentation is called for, just in case. The article is correct though, just keep the conversation lite. I will offer another comment that really, unless you know the other person very well, there are no "friends" at work -- remember to keep your own personal opinions to yourself -- you never know who or when it is repeated.
Posted by: Kimberly | Jul 27, 2006 7:30:51 AM
What actually constitutes "illegal" activity? I've had a supervisor threaten, "I'll f-ing kill you if you ever say that again!" This over an off-the-wall comment made to another supervisor about schedule adherence. He actually got in my face and shook his finger at me. The same supervisor said to one of the women, "Turn that radio down or I'll bash your f-ing face in with it!" Friends of mine in law enforcement say this is disorderly conduct at the least and twice the local police have offered to arrest this person, but no one will file a formal complaint for fear of losing their job. The president of this small company actually dismisses this behavior by this individual saying, "It's just a figure of speech" or "Just ignore him when he's in a bad mood". Is there actual legal ground to stand on?
Posted by: JR | Jul 27, 2006 8:04:30 PM
Most negative stuff in any workplace means nothing and has no effect other than an unpleasant day. Good and bad days happen everywhere.
If you see that a certain individual has decided to attack and keeps doing so, it still may not have any serious effect. Some people have problems or may simply be very immature. If it does not affect your work, who cares? It can be written off.
However, if anyone attempts to sabotage your work, the working environment and harm your employment, it must be called on. Document it even if you don't want to bother with it and even if you are busy. Bring it to the supervisor and deal with it. Get it over with and get back to the job at hand.
Do not let it go on indefinately. When someone is this much out of order and /or obsessed with you, you will have to squash it and get back to work. It is always unpleasant but many times people get overly obsessed with others and need to have boundaries established. There are always people who have never grown up and it takes others to tell them what normal behavior is. Some people actually believe they have a right to do whatever they want, wherever they are at the moment.
Unfortunately, the workplace is sometimes used as a playground by workers who have little interest in their jobs. You will find that others know about it already and that they do not have much respect for the instigator. Get it done with, establish normal adult boundaries and get back to the thousand things you have to do that day. Employers value people who get things done, not people who play around all day. It really is just old fashioned common sense.
Posted by: MC | Jul 30, 2006 10:51:13 PM
I would actually let them hit me once and then sue the crap out of the business insurance policy for "creating a hostile work environment", having prior knowledge and not resolving it for the other workers. You should be able to get a pretty penny(100-500k), get the person arrested for assult and bankrupt the business in one shot. I would give 1000$ to have a week to work there...PAYDAY!
Posted by: Rob | Aug 2, 2006 10:21:24 AM
A co-worker of mine is an older woman who is ruthless, obnoxious, and thinks she can do no wrong. She is allowed to control and abuse her co-workers and is the boss's pet. She does the grunt work that the boss cannot be bothered with. The boss turns her back to her behaviour even though there have been numerous complaints to her personally and though compliance. Nothing ever gets done about her. I am the only one that has faced her and it was not pretty. I also faced the boss and finally after years of working there, told her what I thought about the bully and told her in so many words and as tactfully as I could that she favors the bully. Let me tell you, it was not easy, but the bully has shut her mouth. I feel though, that I am looked at by management as the troublemaker instead of the bully. Quietly, I do believe the bully is cooking something up behind my back. If ever I saw a crazy person, it would be this sociopath. There is one in every workplace. All I can say is in one year I will be graduating and working in a whole new field and I will be the boss. I vow that I will never treat people like I have been treated nor will I hire anyone that I sense cannot get along with others. I will never tolerate a bully! Lastly, get out while you are still sane-no job is worth the emotional toll it takes on one's health. Good Luck out there!
Posted by: tennis38 | Aug 2, 2006 11:34:29 AM
I've been working as a contractor for the past three months in what was supposed to be a contract-to-full-time position. I was not offered a full-time job because my co-worker complained that I was too fat. I'm a technical writer so it isn't as if I ever have contact with customers or anything like that. I was unaware that she was complaining about me and I thought everything was going well. People kept coming by my desk and telling me I was doing a great job.
But a few weeks ago, my boss was out of the office for a funeral and while he was out, his boss came up to meet with each person on my team. That's when I found out that this co-worker was complaining about me. But the boss wouldn't tell me exactly what she was saying.
I found out she had a blog and went to look at the blog. In the blog, she referred to me as "TFTW" and went on and on about my weight and describing me as wearing filthy clothes. She said that I must have lied on my resume and that my writing was terrible.
Over a course of three months, I wrote over 100 pages of new documentation while she wrote less than 10 pages altogether. So I'm pretty sure that the complaining had more to do with the fact that I intimidated her.
Luckily, I have another job lined up for when this one ends on August 10th. On her blog, she set up a fund called the "keep Marybeth from firebombing" fund so I'm worried about workplace violence at this point.
Posted by: DeeDee | Aug 6, 2006 6:28:51 PM
The president's secretary gossips with everyone about everyone. I would stop by her desk occasionally to deliver reports I created and would talk for a few minutes. I was so nice to her; I gave her a brand new daybed that I could not use after I bought it along with all the brand new bedding. All totaled, the cost would have been about 400 dollars; I only charged her 25 dollars. (what a fool I was) I am very generous with many people but this was more than I should have done for her. She would make items for holidays to sell and I would get her many customers including myself. She bad-mouthed a lot of people and continues to do so. I am sure she also talks about me. Even knowing this, I continue to be very pleasant to her and listen to her complaints but my visits are not frequent since I am a very busy person and I don't have the idle time that she has. She has everyone believing they are her friends. She went through two bad marriages. Then she had the future husband #3 move in with her for about three years before they decided to tie the knot. She sent out invitations and I did not receive one. She invited all the people she bad-mouthed and eliminated several others along with me. There were only a few of us left. I am convinced the woman was trying to send a message but I certainly can't figure it out to this day. I guess I am supposed to be offended but it did save me some money and since she has already been through two weddings, this seemed a bit much. I wonder how long this one will last.
Posted by: Pat | Aug 10, 2006 7:50:35 PM
Interesting. The hard thing about situations like this is that the stories may be different on both ends - and who's is more accurate? Perhaps the one who feels they have a toxic coworker and complains are they themselves the toxic coworker to others. A conundrum to the fullest.
Ironically, I know both this "tennis" person and the person to which she speaks. I actually am not sure if that's the acronym that was used for her (TFTW), because the blog she's referring to has been taken down since such a fuss was made about it in the workplace.
I suppose it would be interesting to note that the person who wrote about TFTW's hygiene would also comment on how she sees the skill potential in this person, yet for reasons unknown TFTW would never meet her potential. TFTW's job was to write documentation, and the other person's job was to edit what was written - NOT necessarily write new content. So whether she produced 10 pages or not, that wasn't her job. There was no intimidation, just exasperation.
Also, the writer's feelings towards TFTW's appearance was not made public in the workplace. They were feelings expressed in a personal blog that was actually UNKNOWN in the workplace until the TFTW made a fuss over it - at which time it became public.
The person complaining may want to seek understanding within herself to determine if in fact she was performing her job satisfactorily, or merely getting by. Was the quality of her work up to par? Why did the 100+ pages requires so much intense revision? It's often difficult for coworkers to criticize the work of their peers, so being told you are "doing a good job" may not always be indicitive (sp?) of the truth.
There is so much more to this story. So much that it is almost interesting to see the final summation used to describe the ultimate demise of TFTWs position from her point of view. It's almost sad that the focus of reality has been shifted to see only what she wants to see.
So while yes, I agree there are those "toxic" coworkers that can make working life hell, there are also those themselves who are toxic and fail to see it. Then again, dual toxicity can only be a recipe for disaster and it's a matter of who strikes first (or last?).
To any story there are always at least three sides. Yours, mine, and an outside point of view. Too often only two sides are ever presented, and then it's often whoever speaks first as the one being believed, because then the retaliation is seen as exactly that.
Learn from every experience. Grow from it. Identify where mistakes have been made and do your best not to repeat them. If you are truly a good worker, and your work is of a good quality, then often a toxic coworker can do their "thing" and no consequence will come of it. But if you are not measuring up, well, perhaps someone causing strife is merely the catalyst someone is looking for to make a change.
Posted by: Amber | Aug 22, 2006 2:20:07 PM
I don't know, Amber. You can make little, non-intentional mistakes and the toxic co-worker will turn it around to make you look bad; for some, it can cost them their jobs (thankfully, it didn't for me b/c I had proof of no wrongdoing). Case in point. A toxic co-worker asked me for a file for her boss. I did not have the file but knew that I could request it from the file room. In an effort to help the toxic co-worker, I sent a request to the file room and cc'd the co-worker and her boss. Then, I got a response back from the co-worker, in a negative tone, asking who I sent the file request to and that the file in question was not in the file room. I responded to her that I did not know and to let me know who I could ask in order to get her the file. After I responded to her, the file room answered my emailed request and indicated that the file was marked "active" and therefore not in the file room (incidentally, they also cc'd the co-worker and her boss on their response). The toxic co-worker then emails the file room, copying her boss, and apologizes for them being "troubled" since "apparently" she told me that the file was active and not in the file room. The truth is that she did tell me that but only AFTER I took the initiative to email the file room to get her the file. Normally, I would ignore her efforts at sabatoge; however, since we had an earlier incident in the day where she called me with a nasty attitude, I sent an email out to her, her boss and the file room. The tone was positive and clear; I indicated that she had not informed me of the file's status until after I made the request. I included her original email (proving that I was right) and then still offered to help her find the file (just to kill her with kindness). That put an end to her drama and I had the last word, as she did not respond to my last email. Toxic co-workers like this can pevert any situation to make an oversight look like you are totally incompetent. You have to have confidence, boldness with them and you can't back down. Yes, they probably wanted your job. In my case, I was hired to do some of the work she had already been doing. But, I have other responsibilities which she is incapable of completing. However, her theatrics have made me seem "airheaded", not paying attention to detail, so to speak; incidents like these are only an example of some of the ways she's tried to make me look bad. If someone has a good relationship with the boss, no matter how good your work, the toxic co-worker can plant a negative seed. Beware of these toxic co-workers; don't trust them and document everything!
Posted by: LMA | Aug 22, 2006 5:34:36 PM
I see that "Pat" responded to my original post. Pat, why do you think that you know who I am or who the other person is? If the blog was taken down and you haven't read it, then you would have no way of knowing what was or wasn't said in it so how would you know if it said I had potential or not?
Before I left, several devs came by my desk and said that were sorry to see me leave because I was far more technical than the other people. My boss said several times that he wished the other writers would try to learn from me. When I told my boss that the other writers acted rudely towards me, he said it was because they were jealous. One of the developers wrote my boss a lengthy memo to tell him that my work was very high quality and my boss passed it along to me. People don't say things like that if they are not true. Think about it Pat--do you send e-mails to the boss of your co-workers to say that person is doing a good job if they aren't? Your comment is not logical.
In at least three meetings with the dev group, one of the dev leads commented that one of the documents I worked on was the best quality they had ever gotten from the documentation group. One of the other writers from the team was in these meetings and every time this guy praised my work, the other writer's face would turn beet red and you could just tell he was angry.
Also, my co-worker was not an editor, she was a writer. The standard number of pages that writers must produce is 1-3 pages a day.
When I found out about the blog and went to top manager, I told her that the blogger had made such outrageous accusations, such as that I went through her desk that she must be mentally unbalanced. To my surprise, the manager said "we already know that and we're working on it."
I had to leave my last full-time job because I have severe asthma and I get sick often because it is an immuno-suppressive disorder. My full-time job required 60-70 hours a week and I just couldn't do it so I quit. This summer, while in the toxic workplace, I had to go to the emergency room twice because of the stress my co-workers caused me. The first time I passed out on the road while walking home from the bus stop because of low oxygen in my blood. The second time, my blood oxygen level was 40% and I had to be put on the nebulizer three times before I could breath normally again. Since the contract agency didn't have insurance, I'm stuck with the medical bills which have come to a few thousand dollars so far. Since I'm in bankruptcy because of my son's extensive medical problems, I'm not even sure how I will pay my bills. My co-workers were so caught up in themselves that they didn't care what consequences their actions would have on my life or the life of my son, who I have to care for.
The bottom line is that people have the right to expect to be treated respectfully by managers and co-workers. I have seen this behavior before in other workplaces, although not to this extent, and I just don't get it.
Posted by: tennis38 | Aug 28, 2006 1:46:53 AM
I've been pretty upset about the Amber posting that I saw the other day. For one thing, she said that she knew me but I looked at her blog and I've never met her before. She took as fact everything that my toxic co-worker had written in her blog. For one thing, she says that my documentation needed heavy revision which was not true.
This leads me to the conclusion of what really needs to be done. I've decided to sue the toxic co-worker. I'm filing paperwork this afternoon. While some people who responded to this blog posting are frustrated because they are being sabotaged in a way that is difficult to prove, I have the proof on paper because I printed out all of the blog entries by the toxic co-worker who was bloggin about me. They have her picture on them. The proof of the lies that she was telling are rock-solid. When it comes down to it, I think that this is the only way to deal with this type of problem.
Posted by: DeeDee | Aug 29, 2006 1:54:21 PM
I have been at my current job for over 8 years. The "new" girl has been there just over a year now and in my opinion is a toxic employee. I've always got the feeling that she was trying to get in tight with the bosses...but couldn't ever prove it. There are 4 of us in our satellite office, the supervisor has only been there for 8 mos longer than I have. Last week, the supervisor was gone one day, as well as one of the other gals, and the "newbie" asked me to work to 5 pm for her (I work 7-4). I told her no..nicely..as the hubby and I had plans to leave town. Today all hell breaks loose in the office because she went to the VP of the company and complained about me not covering for her the other day. Needless to say he wasn't happy about her going to him instead of our boss first and then the whole story comes out so it makes me look like the "a**hole" for telling her no. The VP now put his foot down and said if we can't get this figured out, nobody will work from 7-4 and everyone stays til 5 pm. My boss also works 7-4 and has done that ever since I started working there...so needless to say, she wasn't too happy about that. I was so mad I could spit fire. Had I known she would have made a big issue out of it, I would have made sure I said something to my boss so that I wasn't the one who looks like a jacka**. But then again...that isn't my nature...I'm not a tattletale and I don't complain to the higher ups.
Sorry...just had to vent this today!
Posted by: Fed Up | Aug 29, 2006 3:48:05 PM
I have been at my current job for over 8 years. The "new" girl has been there just over a year now and in my opinion is a toxic employee. I've always got the feeling that she was trying to get in tight with the bosses...but couldn't ever prove it. There are 4 of us in our satellite office, the supervisor has only been there for 8 mos longer than I have. Last week, the supervisor was gone one day, as well as one of the other gals, and the "newbie" asked me to work to 5 pm for her (I work 7-4). I told her no..nicely..as the hubby and I had plans to leave town. Today all hell breaks loose in the office because she went to the VP of the company and complained about me not covering for her the other day. Needless to say he wasn't happy about her going to him instead of our boss first and then the whole story comes out so it makes me look like the "a**hole" for telling her no. The VP now put his foot down and said if we can't get this figured out, nobody will work from 7-4 and everyone stays til 5 pm. My boss also works 7-4 and has done that ever since I started working there...so needless to say, she wasn't too happy about that. I was so mad I could spit fire. Had I known she would have made a big issue out of it, I would have made sure I said something to my boss so that I wasn't the one who looks like a jacka**. But then again...that isn't my nature...I'm not a tattletale and I don't complain to the higher ups.
Sorry...just had to vent this today!
Posted by: Fed Up | Aug 29, 2006 3:49:35 PM
I sooo feel where everyone's coming from it's not even funny. I myself am going through co-worker sabotaging hell and I am the target. I'm new at my current job and I love my job by the way. I feel very fortunate to have this job and I must admit, I'm really happy and satisfied at my job. For now at least. Anyway, I just started working at this job about 2 months ago, and I'm a normal, hard-working and friendly person. When I first started, I thought that everything was cool, until I started to notice that these 3 girls that I work with, who of course have been there much longer than I have are a bunch of craptalkers and haters and I feel that now I am their current target. I've been nothing but nice to them and never did anything wrong to them but yet they continue to try to make me feel as if my manager will fire me at any given moment and find a replacement. I am not crazy and I am not imagining things. They say and do things indirectly to make me think this way. They won't ever confront me about anything, but they continue to do things indirectly. I try not to let it bother me, but it's getting too much and to the point where it's starting to affect my work since I sit right next to these 3 heathens. I don't know what I should do? Can someone please give me some advice?
Posted by: Tired Of IT! | Aug 30, 2006 6:57:14 AM
I work with a person who is a criminal but the boss loves her. She is thin, has big fake boobs and long hair. The rest of us are fat old ladies. She can do no wrong. She takes money from him, has raked up debt over $8,000 to him, he even bought her criminal son a car. She does whatever she wants and the rest of us follow the old rules. Whatever she wants to do is okay, but all of us better not be a penny short. It is blatant discrimination without apology. The other old workers are too afraid to do anything about it and form a line behind her, kissing her hiney, while they talk about her behind her back. I outwardly loathe her and I don't pretend to like her at all. If the boss weren't so dependent on me for my skills he would have already got rid of me for her, but alas they are both stuck with me. I detest her to the point of scorn, and because of his pampering of her, it has made me dislike him as well, a person who I used to think was a pretty good guy.
This woman lies to everyone she talks to, makes huge promises to people she never follows through on. She even got this old lady here to co-sign on another vehicle for her, which she just go repo'd and ruined that womans credit. They are
all so busy kissing her butt because the old man likes her, that she uses them all but me. This work enviroment makes me want to puke and I've had enough. I've worked here 13 years and am about ready to do just about anything to flee.
Any help with my angst would be greatly appreciated.
Posted by: Mitzi | Sep 1, 2006 9:02:20 AM
I work where I am expected to barely be on the schedule but be sitting by the phone while the bosses pet (who calls in about 2 to 3 times a week, goofs off the other times when she is there (phone calls, friends stop by, brings her young kids to work, takes excessive breaks) - - now they also hired her best friend who acts the same way. The majority of the work is falling on me and it is wearing me down mentally and physically.
I am looking for another job in an area with a very high unemployment rate. I am not a youngster - and there is alot of age discrimination in hiring around here.
I worry that HR is not giving me good references - because basically - I am doing several peoples jobs for the price of one.
Ironically I get yelled at and treated badly - and if I do leave - they are going to find out fast - who has been doing the work - not that I care - but you would think management would see what is really going on.
Hopefully I will get out of there soon.
Posted by: Tina | Sep 3, 2006 11:54:48 PM
There are toxic coworkers and then there are perpetual victims who are always looking to blame someone else for their unhappiness, misfortunes, and failures.
Claiming someone to be the bosses pet because she has big boobs? Sounds like jealousy to me. Or what you see as asskissing? Come on.
Claiming that you lost your job because 1 coworker complained your fat? And now suing him because someone else defended him on a message board? Give me a break!
New to a job and upset because 3 women aren't welcoming you? Is that the real reason you are fearing for your job? What is the rest of the story?
The only posts out here that are not whining are the ones like LMA who have proof of deliberate sabotage. Take those people to task, lay them out, and defend yourself.
MC is absolutely right - get your job done and quit worrying about what everyone else is "getting away with". The rest of you are nothing but victims and wannabees hiding behind jealousy and pettiness. What you don't realize is that YOU are the toxic ones.
Posted by: Anon | Sep 10, 2006 3:00:49 PM
Anon,
I'm the one who is suing my ex-coworker, who happens to be a she, not a he. I'm not suing because she said I was fat. She made defamatory (that's a legal term according to my lawyer) remarks about the quality and quantity of my work. She made the following defamatory claims on her blog:
--I lied on my resume (I did not)
--I had gone through her desk (I did not)
--She had to come in on the weekend to redo work I had done. She never redid any of my work on the weekend OR during the week.
--She said that one of my guides "was so so full of typos and errors that they declared the [test] build unusable". Again, that was untrue. There was an error in the build procedure which was developed by the configuration engineer which caused a build failure. It had nothing to do with typos or the writing of the document.
--She refers to my work as "a lazy disaster"--as I stated before, I have two engineers who said they would back me up because my work was high quality.
--She stated that I said "I don't actually write the stuff" which I never said.
--After one of the writers edited my stuff, he came into my office and dropped the document onto my desk from four feet above the desk, glared at me and walked away without saying a word. For this incident, she said in her blog "Five mins later, she's stomping past us and into the mgr's cube. Crying. F---ing crying. Doesn't stop to talk to either of us, literally went crying to Daddy. I couldn't hear exactly what went on, but know that mgr had to listen to some sort of whinefest. It's exactly what I would have done...gone over my teams' head looking for a sympathetic ear. Personality clash. They don't like me. I'm trying. The edit was so harsh. Save me, Oh Mgr. Aligning a defense."
When someone sues another person for defamation, they are not a victim. A victim puts up with abuse and lies about their character and does absolutely nothing. A person who respects themselves TAKES UNEQUIVOCAL ACTION AGAINST THE PERPETRATOR. If you don't take action, this just reinforces the bully's antisocial conduct.
To say that any of the people who have responded with their comments on this blog are victims is like saying that a woman who wears a short skirt deserves to be raped. The argument doesn't hold water.
Posted by: DeeDee | Sep 12, 2006 10:27:50 PM
Hey Anon, can I come work for you? By the way, my son needs a new car!
All of the posters have legitimate complaints so just ignore the flamers like Anon!
I found information about how bullies choose their targets at work.
1. Ranking of the 14 Reasons, most to least frequent
Rank Reasons as provided by the survey itself
1. I remained independent, refused to be controlled or to be subservient (70%)
2. My competence and reputation were threatening (67%)
3. The bully's personality (59%)
4. My being liked by co-workers and customers (47%)
5. In retaliation for my reporting unethical or illegal conduct, whistleblowing (38%)
6. I was focused solely on work and ignored the politics (36%)
7. Bully had personal problems (35%)
8. I am nonconfrontive and easily overrun by others (33%)
9. It was at a time of personal medical or life vulnerability or changes (30%)
10. I could not afford to leave the job and the bully knew it (30%)
11. It was my turn in the rotation among co-workers (29%)
12. No apparent reason; I do not know (28%)
13. Result of the bully's promotion or newness to my workplace (25%)
14. The bully was following either explicit or 'understood' instructions from boss above (19%)
I hope this helps people to put the issue of toxic co-workers into perspective. It isn't your fault and you aren't a victim.
Posted by: StayStrongandPray | Sep 13, 2006 2:33:41 AM
Well I have more of a question than a comment. I have been at my new job over six months and it seems okay. The only thing is that I have a know it all coworker who has been there for over 5 years. Well at times she picks on me, but I have learned to deal with it. The problem is that she is up my boss's behind and it seems I can't compete with it. They go to lunch together, spend time on the weekend together as well. I feel like in the future that I will not get promoted because my coworker and my boss are up each other's butt. As well they communicate with insults and think its cute. Like hey ugly b and the reply and hey nasty b. I don't like that at all. Am I being too sensitive?
Posted by: Kiki | Sep 15, 2006 12:45:38 AM
At work I keep my personal life personal. There are some things I am willing to talk about, that I know won't be a big deal. People in my office gossip. People who constantly talk about what is going on in their lives, whether it be an alcaholic mom or their mixed up teenage kids are just looking for attention. I hate gossip. When I first came into this office I was more open and trusting. Now that I have seen what happens, I have been more focused on my job and less about gossip. I have a life outside the office, so I keep it just that. If someone is bullying you, just joke with them. They will see you are not easily intimidated and sooner or later leave you alone. Respect is important.
Posted by: Jenna | Sep 18, 2006 11:55:49 AM
This one is for DeeDee:
Watch out for this new girl, she is a trouble maker! Watch your back, she could be a back-stabber! I would have told the boss that she asked you that day to cover for her and that it is not enough notice ahead of time and that you had other plans (maybe you already did). This girl will be more trouble than she is worth. Maybe next she will complain about you coming back 5 minutes late from lunch. It it were me, I would have confronted the girl and let her know that her kind of behavior is not professional and that if she can't handle her work load and have to leave early unexpectedly that she should take responsability for herself and that she is disrupting the office. She is the new girl and is trying to see what she can get away with. Hope things settle down for you. Don't let the new girl run over you.
Posted by: Jenn | Sep 18, 2006 1:40:41 PM
I am working with a toxic coworker and would like some advise. First, he was the one who ask me to come on the that shift claiming how nice it was and I would not have to deal the the first toxic employee I was trying to get away from. Not to mention the previous person I replaced walked off the job. This was the women he was having an affair with. Everything was ok at first then he start raising his fist to me like he wanted to hit me. Countless times I told him to stopped and that it was disrespectfull. Finally I told our lead, big mistake his buddy. Well my lead said well I did not see him do it... well. I told both if it happens again I'm going to HR. So he stopped. Now we have new systems coming in and since he is the backup lead he got trained first. Two months has passed and he has not allowed me and my other coworker to learn the system. I have made countless remarks to my lead that I have not been trained yet. So he let the toxic coworker train my other coworker. But did not give him time to learn the system in a whole. So I ask my lead again about training. He told me I would be trained when I come back from vacation and that is the end of October. At this point should I involve my manager and HR? These two guys make a perfect job sickening.
Posted by: Deb | Sep 21, 2006 6:21:02 PM
I had a coworker to threaten me with his fist. I let the police officer on duty know about it because I felt in fear of my life. Then I wrote up the insident with names, witnesses, time it happened, what was said, date and everything that happened. Made copies and turned it in to my boss. With me taking the time to write it down the matter had to be resolved. The person was talked to by management and he was written up with it going into his file. This would protect me for any future trouble and he respected me for as long as we worked together. You must be willing to stand up for yourself and put it in writing or you will continue to have problems.
Posted by: Jack | Sep 25, 2006 9:51:25 PM
I am dealing with a co-worker who successfully got me written up by mgmt. With the exception of one other worker, I feel like I can trust no one and have been labeled inappropriate at work. Now, mgmt is going to have a mtg to "figure out" how they can improve relationships with our team...too late. I don't know if I would face any disciplinary action, but if allegations arise from my investigations during that meeting, I am going to walk out. I'm not going to be victimized again. I am already talking to my attorney about this matter.
Posted by: Sheila | Sep 26, 2006 10:40:43 AM
I was doing some research because I'm at the point where I'm actually avoiding certain coworkers now. I'm not the target of bullying, I am simply sick of the incessant whining, complaining, the declarations of new hires that if our multimillionaire company owner would just listen to their GREAT idea, everything would run perfectly...
I find myself sending out email reminding my lunch partner to keep mum so that these people don't join us and ruin the break. I don't LIKE what I'm turning into. I suppose that would be their next bitchfest... That I'm a bully and have stopped including them in extracurricular activities.
But the truth is that it is exhausting. Mentally and physically I'm sitting at my desk, one of the top performers in the company and now completely unmotivated. I'm so tired I go home after work and just sleep. Right now one of the managers is sitting at his desk eating sunflower seeds and cracking the shells so loud that I want to ram his head against a wall.
Final nail in today's productivity was the smug assertion by one of the whiners, a newbie, that we were all going to get sick because of him, and wasn't it just too bad that we don't give PAID sick days till you're past 3 months probation.
I am an asset to my team because I work with everyone so that we're the best. It is in my employer's best interest that I work out of the office and not from home.
However, today I decided that the camaraderie I used to enjoy has eroded to the point that I no longer desire it.
Posted by: Some Chick | Oct 4, 2006 4:06:06 PM
It's really sad that by the time people enter the working world they still act like children. It's really funny because i worked with 3 girls (not women) didn't think very much of me because i was a single mom working hard with two kids. I never expected anyone to feel sorry for me or get any special treatment in fact i worked hard just like everyone else and didn't let my family life get in the way of work. they resented this. what threatened them was that i was able to get up, make it to work everyday on time, and work hard. very insecure group of girls. in any case i feel like this, my first job was at one of the most prestigous investment banking firms in the country which i left to go back to school. not everyone could hang and if you don't come with a serious attitude, a hard work ethic, and talent you will get chewed up and spit out. any place worth busting your a** at should be somewhere where talent and hard work are expected and the appreciation you get in return like at my old job is a very clear no tolerant policy regarding this daytime drama otherwise you're better off starting you own business. i actually have this theory that the less class a person has who runs a company or is in charge the more office politics and gossip you will run into in any business. i say all this to say, take a look at the company overall and if a place of business is willing to support slackers who have enough time to complain and gossip that place is not going very far anyways. you're better off taking you talents and hard work and going into business for yourself, bottom line.
Posted by: can empathize | Oct 10, 2006 2:17:37 PM
I am thankful for the Motion Picture Industry. Growing up in a military family, and constantly having to move (always the new kid) I was able to live out my fantasies on the Silver Screen...that, and I have my fond memories of the family Saturdays spent with buttered popcorn, candies and soda in the kino theaters in Europe (kinos were way cool--you could actually drink alcohol and there was a bar/table in front of the seats instead of the little cup holders that they have in the US). I know its a long run on sentence...but so is my fond memory :)
Posted by: Deahna | Dec 1, 2006 1:19:54 AM
Get over it. Work is work. Everybody has a main objective. I was on the second day of my new job when the HR person giving me the tour started telling me about how you have to 'watch your back here', 'you don't know who is going to stab you in the back'. I mean WTF?
If HR has issues, who do you go to? Bottom line: I figure it was a PERSONAL (play on words--haha--Personnel) PROBLEM. Don't let it affect you. If you are a happy person, like I try to be, then at the end of the day you will be able to sleep soundly.
Oh--and remember, if you play games (gossip, drama, violence, sabotage...etc) to get ahead, then know nothing if not this: The same people you meet on the way up, are the same one's you may run into on the way down.
EVERYONE.CAN.HAVE.A.PEACE.OF.THE.PIE :)
Posted by: Deahna | Dec 1, 2006 1:28:06 AM
What about working with someone who wants to be numero uno with everything to the point where you're left feeling inefficient and substandard? You're grateful that someone has a strong work ethic; however, it gets to be annoying and subversive when you feel like your collegue is doing 2000% to make you look bad. Whenever there's a "board meeting" guess who has the best numbers? Guess who volunteers to do tasks that are completely unreasonable, leaving his/her fellow collegues in an impossible situation. In conclusion, toxicity in the work place takes on many different forms. If you fail to notice, you might end up without a job or on some manager's sh-- list due to misconceptions about your performance.
Posted by: Cee Jz | Dec 27, 2006 1:16:10 PM
I've worked at the same place for 15 years and let me tell you, we have had our share of gossips, back stabbers, bullies, whiners, thieves, sluts and everything in between. Needless to say, these people are no longer there. Their usually commit career suicide through their own actions. If you think the bosses don't know who the trouble makers are - think again. They do, but they sure aren't going to tell you. After all - they have to cover their butts too. And those bosses that play favorites usually end up going down the road with the rest of the low lives. In the words of a wise old witch I know..."speak little-listen much". Keep a smile on your face and do a good job. Bosses don't like gossips and finger pointers. Fight the urge to run to your supervisor with co-worker complaints. Chances are, they already know.
Posted by: Rositos | Feb 3, 2007 10:50:53 AM
Wondering if DeeDee ever won that lawsuit against her coworker. Did you "UNEQUIVOCAL ACTION AGAINST THE PERPETRATOR"?
And most importantly, did the woman countersue?
Posted by: anon | Mar 3, 2007 6:36:39 PM
Raise your children, enjoy your families, and be sure that you say thank you. Life is a gift, and it will be over shortly. Don't waste it on bad feelings. You woke up this morning, that's a lot better then not waking up. The world is full of people who have experienced positive outcomes. Focus on them, and have pity on those with low self-esteem. Your boss, or your co-worker may be suffering from this. Don't return their anger with anger. Instead, do the best job you can, and go every home night holding your head high. You don't have to resort to alcohol to win friends. Believe in yourself, and no one can stop you. Picture yourself in a Iraq with the world coming down on you. Is your situation that bad. If it is then go get help. If not, then suck it up, and put on your game face. God is watching......
Posted by: JustANumber@hope.com | Mar 9, 2007 10:47:04 PM
Dear Anon,
As the aforementioned blogger, I can say that to the best of my knowledge, DeeDee never filed said lawsuit. As always, there are three sides to every story and only one of those sides is the truth. The other two are merely defensive perspective. With that in mind, I will not even try to defend myself against the accusations that were made against me; it's completely moot.
That said, I stand by any and all professional issues I had. Did I react to problems the "right" way? That's subject to interpretation. Did my co-worker? Again, subject to interpretation. Am I a "perpetrator"? No. Not even a little bit. Nor am I a victim.
Just remember everyone, that while you view another as the toxic one, it's very possible that you are viewed the exact same way. It's somewhat rare for a person's actions to happen in a vacuum. Consider whether you are being "attacked" without cause or if the other is reacting. Not true in all situations of course - some people are simply mean for no reason at all. But more often than not, there is a catalyst for that behavior.
There certainly was for mine.
MB
PS: And as for countersuing, that's almost as silly as the thought of suing someone in the first place. Pull your head out of your butt, dude.
Posted by: MB | Mar 11, 2007 9:52:59 AM
This one is for Cee Jz. I would probably be considered one of those 2000% strong work ethic people, and have experienced a bit of difficulty with co-workers because of it. Some people may be over achievers to get to the top, but usually you can see those people's motive through their politics in the office. However some people are simply hard-wired that way and don't do it to make anyone feel bad. It is super difficult to perform at less then one's capability. I don't stay up later, work weekends, or even think about how I can "out do" anyone, I just focus on the work and complete the assignments to the best of my ability. Perhaps I'm under employed but it doesn't get you promoted if the person threatened by your achievements or success is the one you have to report to. So the other perspective is that it's difficult to find a mentor or support in the office that will appreciate your hardwork and/or natural talents and get you to the next level.
Posted by: Ace | Mar 15, 2007 10:50:18 PM
I am also guilty of being a 2000%er and agree that I don't do it to shove it in anyone's face. I am also a victim of office bullying by my supervisor and manager above her, also victimized by a few toxic co-workers. I work several different shifts so various people see my work at different levels. My work requires attention to detail at which I excel at. The level of work has increased triple in the past two years and management of course cannot seem to grasp not enough hands for heavier workload. When it is not done it is all your fault, if you stay to get it done they get pissed about that, too. I am told my attitude sucks, even though I smile at every client regardless of how outrageously stupid or rude they might be. My boss tells me that numerous people complain about me but can never give me any specific examples. She contradicts by telling me she never sees what they do and then gives me reviews based on what they said rather than what she knows. This woman has no backbone whatsoever. Now, a co-worker who follows my work shift has continously complained about me and seems to delight in finding where I have faulted. I am not perfect and do not pretend to be however these small innuendos of imperfection are exactly what she is looking for and I am afraid she will find it. This is a job I do enjoy despite the crap aspects of it and it works out well for me. Any advice on what to do?????
Posted by: OfficeSpaced | Apr 10, 2007 7:42:06 PM
I find that if I get along well with my co-workers in a business only setting that I can work well.Its when the mixing business with pleasure that usually gets in the way.I use to have a supervisor "back in the day" and me and him use to go and take off for drinks every couple days off work time. But when the others got ear full. Then that is when I noticed the change in personalities afterwards from the other peers. I knew him before I even started the job, so I can see why they would think it was favortism.Now that I think about it. I always knew he would use me to spite the other women into doing a better performance. (being they usually fall for the favortism bit)Which I was well aware of , I call it keeping the Protocol.And they producing more in the long run.
Posted by: Gardenia89102 | May 23, 2007 11:46:45 AM
Dear Anon,
Since you asked about the lawsuit, I should explain what my post was about.
I came to this site in order to vent about this situation in as public a way as the blogger who attacked me. When I saw that a friend of hers had replied to my post, I knew that she would tell MB that I had posted here. I knew from reading MB's blog that she had problems with paranoia, depression, and anxiety. So I thought that the best revenge was to give her a big dose of sleepless nights. Thus, the message about the lawsuit.
The accusation by MB that she had an issue with my performance is correct. She took issue with the fact that I'm an overachiever who delivered far more and far better work than she did. I worked on Windows Server at Microsoft for 7 years. I would not have survived in that group at Microsoft for so many years if it weren't for the fact that I am highly skilled and hard working.
I notice that MB failed to mention that she was laid off from the company where we worked. The product was unable to cut it in the marketplace. No doubt it would have succeeded if the people working on the product were actually working, rather than writing their blogs.
I, on the other hand, am working for another Fortune 500 company for a boss and team that treats me with respect and values my work.
Posted by: DeeDee | Jun 12, 2007 3:56:58 AM
While reading some of the posted remarks here I feel wow I am standing in the high school hallway again and look at what she is wearing! I am aware of bullies in the work place I have seen it and been subject to it, everyone is territorial about their job and scared someone is going to come along and take the spot light. Most of the time it is just someone like me who could care less what everyone around her looks like to the boss as long as my work gets done and looks good. Don't interfere with me and I won't interfere with you. Quit being childish and posting back and forth as if you're hurting someone. If the woman that posted the blog cared about you're feelings she would never had said the things she said, and if you are away from the situation that you feel was damaging to you then consider yourself lucky and that it was a learning experience for you both.
Posted by: Gray8175 | Jun 18, 2007 1:44:53 PM
Well said, Gray.
I think it's truly unkind to take public gleeful joy in the fact that I (along with most of the division) was laid off. And to even insinuate that the personal writing I did on my own time venting frustrations over how to get past an issue with what *I* perceived as a toxic coworker (conveniently left out of the words attributed to me include things like "How do I get past this and work with her?" and "I know she has the potential, I just can't figure out how to get her to want to work with us" had anything to do with a corporate RIF.
Perhaps I was/am delusional. I saw potential. Because wow, I sure had to spend a whole lot of time saying, "you were right, I was wrong" to people after the whole debacle was over. Why? Because not only did I defend her, I was one of the people who recommended her for hire.
Proclaiming on a public web site that you're going to file a personal lawsuit against a former coworker with the intent to cause upset in someone's life? How's that for toxic?
But...lessons learned. You're absolutely correct, Gray. And a year later, a year wiser, and now that DeeDee has stated that her whole lawsuit thing was just a pile, I now would like to equally as publicaly say what I would have said to her privately if she hadn't threatened to sue me:
None of that was EVER intended to hurt you. My words weren't about you, they were about me and how I was struggling to make things better. Venting my frustrations about not being able to work well with you and blaming myself. Never once did it cross my mind that you (or anybody else from That Company) would Google me and find it. You don't have to believe me, I don't really care if you do. But it never dawned on me that anybody would take enough notice or interest in me and the rest of my life to go searching for information on me. I've wanted to apologize for a year but your actions prevented me from doing so. It was only in retrospect that I saw how deeply hurt I would have been if I'd happened upon something like that. I asked, indeed begged, for help up the chain of command to try to work it out and if you take the rest of what I wrote as truth, then take that as well because I wrote many times of trying to talk to managers about a bad work situation and how to resolve it.
I was frustrated and the way I handled it was wrong. But it was never intended in malice and believe me or not, I felt horrible for a long long time. What I'm very guilty of is poor judgment in handling a situation.
As for the rest of your accusations and insults and shoulder chips, I'll let them lie. It doesn't matter anymore. You know the truth. Think what you want about me, say what you want. Use my full name if you'd like and post it all over the Internet. Hopefully you've moved on, you're in a better place, and maybe somewhere hidden in what I wrote of that situation it gave you an insight as to how you're perceived and has been helpful to you. My lessons learned? Well, in addition to being more discreet about what I write, I learned the importance of taking accountability for my words and actions.
I can't take back the hurt I know I must have caused you. Nor can you take back the strife you caused to me, before and after your discovery. And additionally FWIW, I did not ask the peripheral friend above who took it upon herself to get involved to write what she did and for the record, she was highly inaccurate.
If you'd like to discuss this further, my email address is here. As for the rest of you struggling with toxic coworker issues, again, remember that it's always a matter of perception and learn from some of these posts about the right and wrong ways to address them. And for God's sake, if you feel the need to blog about it, think about how you'd feel if you happened upon posts about you on someone else's site. Take it from me...take it from Dooce...it impacts more people than you know.
Posted by: MB | Jun 23, 2007 7:38:37 PM
