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May 04, 2005
Does Being Mean Pay Off?
While being nice might get your foot in the door, according to a recent study by the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, callousness might translate into career advancement.
Questioning a sample of 308 white-collar workers, the study found that worker “agreeableness” reduced “extrinsic career prospects,” or one’s chances of being promoted. Workers who weren’t as altruistic, modest or friendly fared a bit better when it came to climbing the corporate ladder, because they apparently assigned a higher priority to their careers and any related activities.
We’ve all seen this happen, so it should come as no surprise. But I guess there’s something unsettling about the prospect that this is a cultural truth, and that companies are essentially being manipulated by bullies.
Dr. Nikos Bozionelos, author of the study, suggests that being aware of the self-deprecating factors associated with your amicable demeanor can help. For instance, be more cautious about doing things that might hurt your career -- like letting coworkers (or bosses) take credit for your ideas or doing work for others when it isn’t necessary. In other words, start sticking up for yourself.
Sure, it’s easier said then done. But if this trend continues, we’re in trouble. Being a martyr for your company is hardly a lifelong dream, is it?
And if you’re one of these I’ll-step-on-anyone-to-get-ahead types, please get help.
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Posted by Maya on May 4, 2005 at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (34) | TrackBack (0)
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Maya wrote:"For instance, be more cautious about doing things that might hurt your career -- like letting coworkers (or bosses) take credit for your ideas or doing work for others when it isn’t necessary. In other words, start sticking up for yourself."
This is true, but how does one deal with the typical problems?
1. When the boss comes to you and wants your technical expertise, then says you are insubordinate when you refuse to help because you know that he/she will be plagiarizing your information.
2. When a co-worker wants you to do work for them, then tells your manager that you "are uncooperative" because you can't take the time to help.
In both cases, your next merit review becomes an opportunity for the manager to deny you the raise or promotion that you deserve.
Posted by: Bill | May 13, 2005 12:53:23 PM
Don't let a boss take credit for your work? Yeah, I stuck up for myself. I got a ripping, and then later was in the bread line.
Don't do work for others when it isn’t necessary? Try being a new employee (department assistant). People are gonna use you up. Luckily, my boss at the time called me in and told me what I should and shouldn't be doing for people. People still tried to use me, and then bad-mouthed me when I wouldn't do things for them.
Posted by: Noah | May 14, 2005 3:45:14 PM
There is some truth to the adage that being mean pays off. I have experienced an example of this at my current assignment as a temp.
I work with a woman who has been a part of the company for 23 years and, despite her inability to advance beyond her position as a "cost accountant," is the driving force of the office. This woman essentially tells my supervisor what to do, but does so in such a way that she is massaging his ego.
I have been at this assignment for over a year and have taken on many of the duties of a cost accountant--duties that this woman should be doing, as her title has entitled her to upwards of $50,000 a year. Instead, this woman botches any task that she does not want to be responsible for, thus prompting my supervisor to delegate many of her responsibilities to other people, myself included.
I believe the reason why mean people are able to progress in their careers is because they exude confidence and aggressively pursue their own interests. The adage, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease" exemplifies this notion.
Posted by: Iva | May 15, 2005 2:26:20 PM
And I would surly like to work for them.....no thank you.
As a coach, clinical expert, and mentor....I work with nuturing, focus action plans and appropriate robust dialogue. Too often and inappropriately, these rogue and "white elephants" get a path initiated on the back of others....it is time to say "No Thank You" and be willing to move on to another job if necessary....no longer an I willing to be in servitude....to be of service suits me fine. I am certain many of my peers agree. cheers.
Posted by: Jul's Prater RNCM | May 17, 2005 9:08:38 AM
A balance needs to be struck and a "paradigm shift" needs to begin. “Nice gals and guys” should win. All this “shortest distance between two points” mentality is actually very contrary to teamwork and ultimately bad for a company.
Anyplace, playing fair is good and the correct road to success, good for a company. But it definitely is not wise to be unaware of the “shortest distance between two points” people that don’t play fair. Like any bullies they are always afraid of losing something. So IMHO be aware of them, feel sorry for them and succeed by forming better teams and being a kind, efficient, caring employee regardless. Maybe then the scared “bullies” will get the message and become team players too…
Posted by: Jim | May 17, 2005 9:40:51 AM
I am a female chef who graduated from an "ivy league" cooking school 9 years ago. I have never attained the title of head chef and I know its my own fault. I have never been very assertive, hate confrontation and I especially can't stand being yelled at, which is so prevelant in this industry. I have been sous chef, am nice to waitstff, dishwasher and my alleged subordinates. My philosophy is a restaurant cannot run without these people. Even in the kitchen, when I'm in charge, I get no respect and do most of the work and can't delegate responsibilities without feeling like the B word. Eventually I explode and quit becauseI get so tired of doing others work, complaining to bosses and being taken advantage of. Then everyone hates me and I quit. My last job, I set boundaries immmediately and got fired after a week. where is the line? or do women not belong in a proffetioanal kitchen?
Posted by: Paula | May 17, 2005 10:15:05 AM
I am a female chef who graduated from an "ivy league" cooking school 9 years ago. I have never attained the title of head chef and I know its my own fault. I have never been very assertive, hate confrontation and I especially can't stand being yelled at, which is so prevelant in this industry. I have been sous chef, am nice to waitstff, dishwasher and my alleged subordinates. My philosophy is a restaurant cannot run without these people. Even in the kitchen, when I'm in charge, I get no respect and do most of the work and can't delegate responsibilities without feeling like the B word. Eventually I explode and quit becauseI get so tired of doing others work, complaining to bosses and being taken advantage of. Then everyone hates me and I quit. My last job, I set boundaries immmediately and got fired after a week. where is the line? or do women not belong in a profesioanal kitchen?
Posted by: Paula | May 17, 2005 10:16:26 AM
I'm a supervisor for an insurance company and I may be considered "mean" or "intimidating" by some in my company. I am passionate about my work and believe in my ideas. I may be too aggressive at times, in communicating these ideas, but I have been able to drive some real improvements into the processes and organizational structure at my company. I am honest and direct with the people I work with and with my superiors. While not everyone likes me, I believe I have gained the respect of those people. I have a great team of people who work for me and I fight for opportunities for them when opportunities become available. I take great pride in seeing the people I have hired and mentored be successful in their own standing. Being honest and direct (sometimes construed as mean) has actually been used by others in my comapany against me and has caused me to have lower performance ratings than my peers. At the same time it has allowed me to attain results that my peers have not been able to touch. Due to these results I have been paid higher bonuses than my peers and will soon be promoted to the next level in my career path.
To me, there are two types of mean: Mean positive and mean negative. Mean positive translates into demanding more from your employees, your management and most importantly yourself. Mean negative tears down everything others have occomplished to make yourself look better. The positive side can bring about results for your team members, your management, your company, and long term success for yourself.
Posted by: jeff | May 17, 2005 10:45:46 AM
I'm an office worker for the government. I'm 20-something, and most of my co-workers are 40 years old and above, although many of them have the same position that I do. I tried to have an approach where I was hardworking and deferential to my elders, while not drawing attention to myself, and I figured that my bosses would see through all the politics and give me credit (both through promotion opportunities and through not being on my back). How dismayed I was to find out that my boss actually tried to get me to do the work others would balk at doing, and at the same time still gave me problems. I let this get to me, almost quit, and went on medical leave for depression. I'm feeling much better now, but I've learned (and am still learning) to not let people step on my for any reason, and it's not "noble" to ignore when people try to take advantage of you. I'm ready for battle, so to speak. Bring them on!
Posted by: Hanif | May 17, 2005 10:52:40 AM
To the chef, I say start your own restaurant or catering business. I have found it very hard to work for a boss at all, for all of the reasons posted! Being nice (which is my natural self) has paid off sometimes, but unless you're willing to be completely trampled, you will eventually have to enter the battle sometime--at which point you will promptly get your head chopped off. Interesting experiment...I took a seasonal job at a retail store and didn't really give a care if I got fired from it or not, so I practiced being assertive, not taking crap from anyone, co-worker or boss. It felt great and I didn't get fired because they needed people so badly (this usually isn't the case though so I wouldn't recommend "trying this at home" :) Of course, they didn't invite me to "stay on" after the holidays either but at least I left with my dignity.
Posted by: Becky | May 17, 2005 12:03:08 PM
The Chairman of the entire department called a meeting with our division. He had issues and concerns about reducing costs and a new approach to staffing. He asked all of us (8) to come up with ideas to address these issues.
I drafted a plan for restructuring staffing to reduce costs. I submitted it to him. He was kind and said thank you. On our follow up meeting, he took my exact policy and said that would be what would be implented.
He did not acknowledge that it was drafted by me. I spoke up and briefly mentioned ( as tactfully as I could) that those were my ideas. I felt it was inappropriate for him to not acknowledge my input on something so important.
Posted by: Laura | May 17, 2005 12:06:46 PM
Laura, what was the feedback for mentioning that the ideas were yours?
Posted by: D | May 17, 2005 12:39:59 PM
That someone would feel it necessary to post this subject in the first place is disturbing. That you have someone agree with it is even more disturbing. I too work as a cook, but unlike Paula, I don't have a special title. I work for a major corporate restaurant who honestly does not know how to treat its employees. I have been there for over two years, and honestly, I have gone back to school for a career change, because I have grown cold and cynical towards the company. I love to cook, but I don't like who I am doing it for, and so I think that getting a completely different skill and using it to my full potential is going to make me a happier person. Paula, if you have the skill to make yourself a five-star (or better) chef, then yes, you belong in this business. There is a difference between being mean and recognizing the responsibility that an adult carries in the working world. It's true that you shouldn't be walked all over, but there is a way of approaching this without being a bully. There is one manager I work for now who exudes these qualities, so that's how I know it's possible. I have never seen this person be mean to any subordinate, and actually, this person is the most effective in the kitchen for getting the job done, mostly by active assisstance (jumping in, getting the hands dirty sort of thing) and firm delegation of job responsibilities, with time limits. Cooking of any description is NOT just a man's job. However, not everyone is built for management. Some just don't have the interpersonal skills. It is OK to be an indian rather than a chief, as long as the chief remembers the value of the indian. When he doesn't either a gentle reminder or finding another tribe is usually in order. I think a firm assessment of a persons values, priorities, intentions, and true jobs skills is always a focal point in a career. If, when all of these things have been looked at, and being mean is the only way to succeed, how happy are you going to be? Most people spend most hours of the day at their job. Why would you want to spend most of your day being mean and unhappy? (Not to mention that it will trickle back to your home life as well.) Bottom line: what do you really want for yourself and from your career?
Posted by: Terry | May 17, 2005 12:40:20 PM
What's unfortunate is that increasingly, American workers have settled for unacceptable and uncivilized behaviors from others in the name of career advancement. People come from other countries to exercise their voices, so why aren't we challenging these behaviors. Have you ever been in a meeting where these know-it-alls try to hide their ineptitude? Well, I have been and I make sure that I put their feet on fire especially when I am aware that they have plagiarized other people's efforts. First, we are constantly being bombarded with transient information that are never scrutinized and processed for its merit and value. Therefore, in countless offices across America, the loud and overbearing opinions are heard and accepted. I do not believe that the problem is so mcuh that of good guys vs. bad guys. However, the problem is that insecure and incompetent people are constantly hearing footsteps that aren't there. My management style is to ensure that the people whose efforts I manage, know my job and ecan discharge the responsibilities effectively.
Why? You may ask! It isn't altruistic but very self-serving because the only way that I can convince senior management that I am ready for the next challenge is to assure them that my role can be carried out by a competent hand whom I have educated. The technical term is succession planning. The key is to have self confidence that when you have outgrown a position, the only way to stay content with your career is to find newer challenges. As for those who like to reap where they did not sow, it inevitably hurts them in the long run. They would neither have a supportive team nor the comfort level that their efforts are been optimized. Instead, they are constantly worrying about the factors, which are marginalizing their efforts. Keep your conscience clear of evil and you would transcend any ills directed at you by any of the so-called office bullies. I stand toe-to-toe against bullies even when their tactics aren't directed at me but that's me. And I have always been willing to pay the price.
You must be willing to walk away from a situation that isn't optimal for you professionally and otherwise. Most people would not tolerate an abusive personal relationship, so why would you accept a professional one. If you see work as a means to sustain yourself and maintain your perfect little world, you'd be on medication soon if you aren't already. However, if you see work as a reflection of who you are, then your essence will in whatever you choose. Someone aptly noted that 'every job is a self-portrait' so why not make yours a masterpiece. The fear that most people have is losing their perfect little world. Consequently, they tend to hold on to unhealthy circumstances. In that case, they deserve whatever they get. In my experience, most bullies would back off when confronted but there has to be a couragious soul willing to become the sacrificial lamb. When the resolution within the company is not satisfactory seek outside help. Most of their practices are illegal, so sue them. The caveat to the above statement is to ensure that you have discharged your responsibilities both timely and accurately and make contemporaneous documentation of events a way of life. This will become your salvo when you decide to confront management for lack of timely promotion and response to retaliation for speaking out. Good luck
Posted by: Brian | May 17, 2005 1:04:59 PM
An observation or two, then a few suggestions:
I'm an admin-type, who's also been a union organizer, so I have a good background in what upper management likes to see in an employee. Sadly, top management tends to be on a short-sighted, never-ending quest to make the stockholders happy *right now* (ie for this fiscal quarter), while never taking the long view. This attitude has led upper management to look for mid-management candidates who are like themselves -- desperate and willing to rabbit-punch anyone beside or below themselves, while being happy to kiss up to their own bosses (who act just the same way).
Employees are therefore encouraged to step on each other. This reinforces the uppers' belief in a survival-of- the-fittest Social Darwinism (an ultimately counterproductive point of view). It is also effective at keeping employees in an unhealthy form of competition with each other, and promotes an atmosphere of suspicion, divisiveness and backstabbing, rather than a cooperative workplace that gets more done --and done more creatively, because people will share their ideas without fear of someone else's getting the credit.
My grandfather was a coal miner in the early part of the 20th century. He and his fellow miners got shot at for trying to get things like a decent wage, overtime pay and a 40-hour work week. my mother and father walked picket lines to get better pay, better working conditions and benefits. They and millions like them were responsible for America's high standard of living -- don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise. And they did it by working together, helping each other out. That's called altruism, and it works to everyone's benefit (even management and the stockholders, if they'd only see the benefits to themselves).
It's extremely saddening to me to see the fruits of his and so many others' labors slide away as we move to a service-based economy in which white-collar workers boast of their putting in 60-hour weeks, at no additional pay, and claim that "I'm a *professional*. I don't need a union; those are for blue-collar workers. This is a dog-eat-dog world...." To those folks I say, take a look at the American Medical Association; if that ain't a union, I'd like to know what is. That "professional" enough for you? End of rant.
The suggestions:
1) If you have a great idea, before you present it to the boss write it on a piece of paper, sign it, date it and mail it to yourself, with your signature on the envelope, spanning the flap and the back. Don't open the envelope when you receive it. By mailing ideas to yourself in this manner you have virtually copyrighted them -- they are your marked as your intellectual property. If someone steals your killer idea, or steals so many that you feel it's time to stand up for yourself by going to your boss's boss, take the envelope(s) along when you walk into the CEO's office.
2) If your workplace is a pitbull ring, it's probably non-union. Call the local AFL-CIO office in your area. Explain the type of position you have and the type of business you're in, as well as what problems you think management needs to address to provide you with a fair wage and better working conditions. The AFL-CIO will be more than happy to point you toward a union (sometimes more than one) that will help you. (And if you decide that trying to organize your workplace is something you want to do, the proof of those stolen ideas will be of great help in proving to your fellow employees why you should trust each other, not that thieving CEO .)
Finally, to "Jeff": Being a tough sergeant is OK occasionally, as long as you're compassionate and understanding as well. There is no such thing as "mean positive". Mean is mean, period. Being honestly critical is good, because the point of the exercise is for the person whose work your criticising deserves a chance to learn. But shoving your criticism down people's throats in an attempt to be the alpha leader and make them cowl before you only makes enemies. You'll lose respect, nobody will learn anything, and you'll end up looking bad to your bosses (unless they're bullies and fools).
Posted by: Bob | May 17, 2005 2:06:58 PM
Far too many people are caught up in political correctness! To be assertive and confident does not make one "mean". Mistreating insubordinates and disrespecting superiors however, is "mean". All people should be treated with respect.
Take responsibility for your own career and your own happiness. Don't allow people, at work or otherwise, to walk all over you or take credit for your ideas/work that rightly belongs to you. Continue to grow personally and when it is appropriate, apply that growth to your professional life and seek to be rewarded for it.
If living your life in this way makes one "mean", add me to the list!
Posted by: Chris | May 17, 2005 2:22:03 PM
It seems that most people that I have worked with, both supervisors or co-workers, simply don't know to solve personal problems effectively. Co-workers seem to think that if no one (a.k.a your boss) is around then they can get away with what ever they do to do and supervisors making themselves scarce (most likely on purpose) don't want to deal with "your" problem. There is a way of getting your point across in a non-confrontational way. Confrontation puts even the most even keeled person on edge. You can't change people's behaviors, but you can get people to respect you even if it isn't evident by their actions. Most people want respect at work. Pull them to the side when they are most likely in a good mood and tell them what they did without accusing them of anything and offer a neutral solution. That way they can't say you are trying to gain control over the situation. Also, the English language is full of neutral words that gains one attention without insulting someone and there are books out there (most are in your public library) that can help you get your point across without stealing someone elses self esteem. If you are uncomfortable or feel you will come across phony, try saying a phrase to yourself self in a mirror. One co-worker did something to me that I found to be repectful of me and diffused a potientially explosive situation. He bought me a cup of expensive coffee, then causually mentioned something that I did. I was impressed. Flattery does work. No one is completely evil. Keep that in mind when someone is pinching your nerves. Most people that annoyed me at work usually weren't aware of their behavior and thanked me for telling them. Of course, some things only work when people are willing to work things out. If people are malacious and backstabbing, it's time to go. You know what they say, you are the company that you keep even if it's not what you want.
Posted by: yolanda | May 17, 2005 4:10:15 PM
Hi,
Being mean is wrong. To be mean is to demean others, to seek ways to take credit for their work, to seek ways to get them to do your work, to seek ways to trip them up so that you are put in a good light (like the hero that saves the day) that is being mean. Mean is when you say little things to the boss or anyone behind the back of and about another person. You do it because you are threatened and you do not directly confront. In other words, you are a chicken. In my almost thirty years of professional life I have encountered many such people.
It is not mean to be assertive and take credit for work or ideas that you legitimately own. Sometimes the water is muddied however when the ideas arise from a group meeting, but if they are your ideas, if you hatched them, you have to see to it you get the credit. You also have to pick your battles. You can't win some of them.
One tactic I have used when confronted with one of these bothersome people is the next time I am in a situation where I am asked to work with them I asked the person in charge, if it's not me, to carefully define the tasks and responsibilities, then I see to it that the list is published and adhered to. I have also refused to work with some people and when asked why I request a private discussion. I never discuss this in an open session. When that private discussion comes up I tell the person exactly, unemotionally why I would rather not work with the individual, but allow that if they insist there be a defined set of tasks, yada, yada, yada.
I was once labeled obstreperous myself (look it up). I read a book on anger and got some counseling. The result is a much happier me who does not always get his way, but at least knows I gave it a good shot.
Posted by: John | May 17, 2005 8:03:34 PM
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BullshiT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
Posted by: taken4aride | May 17, 2005 9:57:29 PM
Thanks Becky for getting that posting on. I thought I "lost" it went I hit post.
After I mentioned that was my plan. He got very quiet and I don't think he appreciated that I said anything at all.
Posted by: Laura | May 17, 2005 10:45:15 PM
Oh, I'm a retard..... I posted it....lol
Posted by: Laura | May 17, 2005 10:46:53 PM
I often wonder why with all the horrible issues so many of us go through in the work world that this subject never never appears on the talk show circuits? I never heard Oprah or Doctor Phil dedicating shows or Oprahs' book club for that matter about workplace bullies and abusive bosses, and retaliation if you stand up for yourself. The ordeals of being laid off or fired or being treated unfairly. I think that Work Issues are just as important or more important than shows about diets and how to discipline your dog.
Posted by: rob | May 17, 2005 10:58:40 PM
I can relate to John's percentage rationalization. Speaking from experience, it seems the ass kissers & bullshitters are always the ones who come out smelling like roses. While the dedicated, hard working employees are the first ones to go. There is definately something wrong with the world when people are encouraged to be mean, ruthless and uncaring. I'm fortunate to be blessed with a job where most of us treat others with decency. The customers notice it & come back repeatedly because of our friendly, hospitable attitudes!
Posted by: Kathi | May 18, 2005 1:22:47 AM
While this may be true in management, its old school. Most modern leaders recognize that servant leadership (contrarian leadership) is the future for management in this country.
Specifically, agilistas (Agile Software Developers) and those that lead them have known for quite some time that good people skills are a key for software success. My team wont hire anyone thats not a good team player and cant play well in our sandbox.
I think the study derived their somewhat sensationalized results from largely disgruntled white collar workers. While servant leadership might be the future, I think we've all felt like only the assholes of the world get promoted, usually from first hand experience. It might stand out when it happens but that only adds to people's misperceptions of its frequency.
Smart, assertive, secure leaders hire like minded staff if they want to be successful. Reaching for success any other way will only yield hollow rewards.
Posted by: Greg Belanger | May 18, 2005 1:55:49 AM
I do understand that a person needs to stand up for themselves and keep records, professional and personal, for reference. However, that America has stooped so low as to allow bad attitude, whining, me-first, me first, morons control the workplace is truly unacceptable by moral standards. I've seen it firsthand and heard it everywhere I turn, of this misconduct. It's truly disgraceful, unmeritted and unwarranted and one of the reasons I've had my own business with decent family members and friends as coworkers. Supervisors that don't want to cause friction with their superiors out of fear of job loss or advancement are equally wrong. Money is always a motivating factor yet somehow these feeble minded people haven't figured out that all the money in the world can't buy them happiness, keep away suffering or guarantee a heavenly afterlife, if we are all God trusting Americans as our money states! I pray Americans wake up and realize that mentality and attitude is exactly why we have the conflicts we do, nationally and otherwise. We need to reevaluate our spiritual lifestyle & what we mean by "getting ahead in the world".
Posted by: Robin | May 18, 2005 9:09:02 AM
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